Those denials were even less plausible on Tuesday morning when Cecil sent an email containing the first issue of “The Swingline Chronicles.”

Cecil appears to be taking himself a little too seriously, don’t you think?

The Swingline Chronicles is the fifth installment in the Cecil B. Swingline Chronicles. The stories recounted are true. The names have been changed to protect the guilty…and the innocent.

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And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…

A while back I introduced my boss to one of my favorite online retailers, Think Geek.  Being a rather geeky sort himself, I knew that he would have a real appreciation for the site and its offerings.  About a week later he stopped by my cube all puffed up and giddy because he had a box full of goodies from Think Geek.  He could scarcely contain his excitement as he pried open the box to show off his purchases.  The most precious item in the box was a genuine Red Swingline Stapler, and by the end of the day Friday everyone on the floor knew that he was really proud of that stapler.

Monday morning an email went out from my boss to all of his staff, the building manager and our HR manager:

From: The Boss
To: The Staff, The Building Manager, The HR Manager
Subject: Have you seen my swingline stapler?

I know…incredibly cliché.

So, I purchased a nice new red swing line stapler and got it on Friday at 3.

It is no longer in my office.

This is unacceptable.

If you’ve seen it, please let me know
PS – I’ll be working in the boiler room until I get it back…

Now, who in the world would run off with the boss’ coveted red swingline stapler???

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