Forty years ago today…

…the most wonderful thing happened.  A beautiful baby boy was born near the banks of the Saigon River in the city now known as Hồ Chí Minh to a U.S. soldier and a Vietnamese national midwife.  They named him Huu-Tai, which means skillful.

Huu-Tai moved permanently to the US, embracing his Vietnamese and American heritages joyfully and without confusion. He was renamed James on his naturalization documents.  He was and is fully American and fully Vietnamese. He is proud of his heritage and proud of his family history.

James grew up a Vietnamese-American in an unkind post-war America, unforgiving of one who had no part in what occurred. He endured racism and hatred, intolerance and ignorance, even in his own family. He stood up for himself, his brother, his mother.  He never hid from his reality.  He always stood proud, though often wounded by those who through their ignorance saw him as someone to be shunned, hated and ignored.

He had many friends growing up, but as I understand it, they were a rather rag-tag bunch.  He loved people for who they were on the inside – not what the rest of the world saw on the outside.  His own pain from the racism that surrounded him profoundly affected how he viewed the world.  Thankfully for the world, he turned that pain into tremendous compassion, a heart for service and a willingness to be part of the changes rather than part of the reasons things had to change.

Life had many things in store for James, many more than a single blog post can capture.  Every breath he has taken, every moment he has lived, contributed to the man he is today.  While the road wasn’t always easy or even cleared, he walked on, sometimes afraid, sometimes without caution, but always with purpose.

I was blessed with his arrival in my life at a time when I needed a friend.  I never thought I would be so madly in love with my best friend, but one day, he said the words that changed our lives forever.

What if…

I believe that we have the capacity to love many, to share our hearts and our lives with many. But I also believe that lasting love, enduring, deep, passionate love that binds hearts and souls for eternity requires care and feeding. It’s a living thing capable of cycles of  joy, passion, injury, hunger, impulse, anger as well as starvation, suffering and death.  Although “What if” changed our lives, James knew that the newness and excitement of “what if” would wear off if not treated like the most delicate, fragile, priceless thing in the world.  He taught me to love without condition, to share without reservation and to live without limits to the possibilities of tomorrow.  He showered love upon this wounded soul and set me free from a past that could have crippled me had I let it. I learned to trust even when my life experiences told me I should run and never look back.

So why am I telling you this?

Today is the celebration of the day that someone I dearly love and respect was born.  It’s not just any birthday. It’s his 40th birthday.  Forty is a milestone because of our culture, not because it actually means anything.  Because of the pop culture significance of this day, it seems appropriate to share some of the reasons why I love my husband so madly.

True to the name he was given at birth, he is skilled – as a father, as a husband, as a friend, as a partner, as a designer, as a man who influences others.  He will be embarrassed by this tribute because he is also humble.  He will say he’s not all this, not perfect.  But I haven’t said he’s perfect – he’s simply perfect for me.  I love him for all of his imperfections because they are what make him who he is – a perfectly flawed wonderful amazing man.

And now a note for my dearest husband

Chuc Mung Sinh Nhat, Huu-Tai.  Em yêu anh. Wo ai ni.  Je t’aime.  Je t’adore.  Ta gra agam ort.  Ayor anosh’ni. Eg elska tig. Aloha wau ia oi.  Ti amo.  It doesn’t matter how many times I say it, how many ways or how many languages. I love you.  Thank you for loving me, supporting me, showing endless patience and grace towards me and sharing your life with me.  Thank you for the role model you are for our sons and the many ways you sacrifice in order to do what is best for the family many times over what may be best for you personally.  Thank you for leading, for guiding, for following when I run too far ahead. Thank you for being the place I run to, not from, the love and partnership I crave and the balance I need.

Each moment is a gift.  Thank you for sharing your moments with me.